A broken heart in mending.

A confused soul.

2007-07-04T21:54:00.001+02:00

How do you know if you really, truly want someone?
How do you know when you only want them to want YOU..or you want them just because them DON'T want you?
Can sexual politics ever be avioded?
Can you ever be complelet honest with someone before you know how they feel?
Or is it a human instinct to protect oneself?
Protect youself from feeling dumb, exposed and unwanted...

I don't know.

And how do you know if you are even honest with yourself?

/Britney

scratch

2007-07-04T15:17:00.000+02:00

When I wanna pamper myself I sometimes go get my nails done. Especially in the states where it's alot cheeper and available on pretty much every corner.
It tend to be done mainly by asians ladies with bog hearts who are used to listen to sobbing girls.
=)
Having your nails done makes you feel pampered and special and it's kind of luxurious thing to do.

And then you have nails that you can proudly scratch on someones back!! *smile*
These are the best brands that stays on the longest!

Ladies....Make yourself feel special..You don't need a man for that!!

/Britney

No baby.

2007-07-02T13:53:00.000+02:00

Thank God.

Something that goes my way...finally....

/BritBrit

When you're feeling blue..

2007-07-01T21:46:00.000+02:00

Sometimes, you just feel blue. If it's because of a boy or not may not matter...you just need cheering up.

These are a few things to lighten up a gloomy heart.

A nice, hot bubblebath sented with something nice-smelling. I recommend products from "Bed bath and Beyond".

At the side of your bath you have a nice glas of wine. A cheep and VERY good kind from Austraila is "Yellowtail".

After you get up from your bath, or if you have the luxery of a tv in your bathroom. Pick a classic chickflick! I love "When Harry met Sally". You can never go wrong.

While watching your favorite movie..enjoy your favorite candy. I love swedish salty candy!! But chocolate works too!

And...It may seem sad...But...It acctually works...Buy yourself some flowers!! If possible..Send them to yourself at work!! You will instantly feel like a million bucks!!

And remember.
Don't waste the pretty!

Love,
Britney

Easy.

2007-07-01T02:15:00.000+02:00

I want to..I really do..

/Britney

Fuck.

2007-07-01T02:06:00.000+02:00

I might be pregnant.

Me and John had sex last weekend.

Totally stupid but we hadn't seen eachother for 6 months.

And now I might be with child.

Ain't that great? And he is seeing his new girl this wwekend to find out if they're gonna go for it for reals...She has a baby and he really wants one.
Where the fuck do I come in?

Damn.

/Brit.

Music is a bandage for the heart.

2007-06-30T20:51:00.000+02:00

Music comes back first. Before movies, before videogames. Music has a tremendous healing effect. History has proven this with virtually every race and culture. The key is to find the right music. Certain albums are perfectly suited to help soothe a mending heart. Here are the most effective albums.

BUSTED STUFF--DAVE MATTHEWS
In a darkened room, this record transports you to another world. A great healing album.

ROBBIE ROBERTSON - STORYVILLE
Play this over and over and over again. It gets better and better and so do you.
We don't talk about forever
We just catch it while we can
And if I grab on to the moment
Don't let it slip out of my hand
(What About Now: Robertson/Neville)

RADIOHEAD - OK COMPUTER
At first this might not seem like a healing CD, yet it does work. Some songs work better than others.

LAURYN HILL - MIDEDUCATION OF
If you're into hip-hop this album helps tremendously, although you may already have it since it was a big seller.

Other Good Healing CDs:
Pink Floyd, The Wall
Emmylou Harris, Brand New Dance
Jesus and Mary Chain, Stoned & Dethroned
Jimmy Cliff, Hanging Fire
Van Morrison, Into the Music
Pete Townshend, Who Came First

THE WORST RECORDS FOR BROKEN HEARTS ARE "GREATEST HITS", "BEST OF'S", OR "LIVE" RECORDINGS - IN OTHER WORDS, SKIP COMPILATIONS!

/Britney

The last dance.

2007-06-30T14:17:00.000+02:00

I told John over and over....AND over....that my favorite sone was "Easy like sunday morning" by The Commedores and how I thought it would be romantic to slow dance in our livingroom to just that song.
The first time I told him that was when I was out of town. Dumb as I was, I thought that maybe when I got home he would have gotten it and would surprise me with a dance.
You think?
He didn't even remember the conversation. Not even when I reminded him and then asked him a second time a few weeks later did he recall it.

But..about a week ago, now when we are no longer together, he knew it. WHAT THE F**K!!?!?!?!

Am I just a hopeless romantic, in dire need to realize that the only reason I get dissapointed is because of my own expectations or are there guys out there who are like that? Or should I give up?

/britney

What I tell myself every morning.

2007-06-30T10:50:00.000+02:00

After having been with someone who made me feel completely and utterly worthless, It's easy to start beliving in it.
My head knows it's not true....but my heart has a hard time beliving it. And then it is so easy to settle for something waaay below what should be at least a standard.

So..These are a few things I need my heart to understand.

-If he is not all mine. He is still hers. (I will never be the other woman)
-If I'm not good enought to ever be with when you're sober. GET OUT!
-Breakupsex still means that you are broken up.
-If he is ok with dissapointing me with little things...it will happen with the big one as well.
-If he cheats WITH you..he will cheat ON you.

-I will never lower my bar just because I am lonely.
-I am a foxy, foxy lady...And he is wasting the pretty!

There...Maybe if I tell myself that again and again...I'll start beliving it......

And if I forget...This book has made a different. For all you ladies out there that has been dumped or misstreated and has a hard time letting go. BUY IT!!

/Britney

This is me.

2007-06-29T23:17:00.000+02:00

I am a woman.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am lovable.
I am talented.
I am scared sometimes.
I even cry sometimes.
I have a broken heart that I am trying to mend.
I write music to make this happen but I figured a blog is yet another tool.
I am swedish but wanna listen to people from all over the world. That is why I write in English.
I have been hurt.
I have been beaten.
I have been crushed.
I have been abused.
I have hit rockbottom.
I decided to get up.

So here I am. I will keep my name to myself because here I will be totally and completely honest with whoever is reading. And...I wanna try to be completely honest with myself. But...for the fun of it..You can call me Britney. =)
Maybe this will the way to write the final chapter in the book of my life that contains "bad boys", abuse and heartache, And the longing to find that someone....that someone who makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. That someone who wakes up every morning, looks at me and thinks....Oh my God...I am with HER!
The sameone who wants the same things that I do, but who also has a passion of his own that makes him even more special.

As of right now..I kinda have it all...But..Oh no...Not in the same man. I have met someone who is like a best friend to me, who loves children and who would, without a doubt, be the best father in the world. Let's call him John.
He is some one who shares my passion and is very supportive.
But...he dosen't chare my passion for passion.
I come from a relationship filled with abuse, both verbal and pysical. A relationship where I was told every single day how useless and worthless I was...how happy I should be that he even wanted to look at me. A relationship where I was constantly lied to and cheated on.

So...I do need confirmation. Forgive me if that seems insecure. But I am..
I need that special li'l thing that tell me that you want me..that you are thinking of me..Because I DON'T know that on my own. I am not strong enough to belive that and trust in that.
And this man isn't very good at doing that....

But...then there is this other man. Let's call him Sean. He is a man who won't let an hour go by without making sure I know how he feels. A man that also shares my passion. A man that loves me very much.
But..He doesn't want kids...and he doesn't belive in marriage. And I do.
I want it all. I want a husband, a house, children, a dog..white picket fences...I do...Maybe not right now but I want it. I feel like that will take my life to a whole new level...When I'm ready..
And I want someone who wants that to.

But I have realized one thing, having gone through a relationship with violent druguser.
YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE PEOPLE. The only reason people will change is when they do it on their own.
So I know that I don't wanna invest years ans years with a man, with a hope that maybe he will change...Because most people won't.
He don't want kids. And he will not change.
I do want kids. And I won't change either.
And I sure don't want children with someone who really don't want them but does it to satisfy me.

I want someone like John...who is dying to have kids...who feels like they would complete him.
Who's biological clock ticks faster than mine.
I want that. I want it all.

Can you ever have it all? Or do you have to settle for what is the most important?

/Britney